I still really want to go to Olive Garden and have a shrimp-and-pasta-and-cheese orgy in my mouth.

Gah. One of the worst feelings in the world is the one you get when you "remember someone."

My mum had me clean out one of the two little tables that I have in my bedroom so that I could take it upstairs and Katie could use it to keep all of the Gamecube things in and/or on. I did so because I'm generally a good kid, and I found a necklace that I bought at Renaissance festival two and a half years ago, at the beginning of my Freshman year. It reminded me of a friend of mine from that year, which was the hardest of my life.

His name was Justin Nance, and he was an astonishing almost-twenty years old, considering he was a super-super senior. That doesn't seem too old to me any more, but I realize that I'm almost seventeen now. Back then, I was only fourteen. Five years is a pretty big difference. (Holy crap he'd be almost twenty two now?) Anyways, he was sort one of those friend-of-friends guys until we had a bomb-threat drill at the high school. I had worn that Renaissance necklace devotedly until the chain broke, and I had been walking with friends during the drill. He was with us, and he just sort of grabbed my necklace and started checking it out.

At that point I wasn't used to bold and nearly-obnoxious people like him, but we ended up becoming pretty good friends. He had a way of knowing exactly what to say when anyone was feeling down, and there was something about that five year experience gap that made me feel like I had a buddy who could tell me anything in the world or pull me out of any hole I was in. I don't remember there being much of a maturity gap, but I've always been odd like that.

He graduated and disappeared, of course. It's a curse; most of my older friends disappear once they graduate. Joey and Cija are some of the few that I've managed to really stay in touch with (as in hang out with).

It didn't bother me that much until I realized that I was remembering him. I wasn't just remembering things that happened, but remembering a person. At sixteen, and even seventeen, I shouldn't have to remember people. Remembering things I've done with them is fine, but remembering a person means that they've been gone from your life for too long time. I wouldn't remember Bethany, considering I see her nearly every day. I would just remember the one day we were sitting in a hot tub and talking about girly things. With Justin, I remember him and the time that he picked Rebecca and I up at the same time.

I just hate that feeling so much because it seems almost like a form of surrender. Remembering events is a way of becoming excited about creating new memories with those people. Remembering a person is almost like giving up on your chances of seeing them again. I hate giving up on people.

I catch myself remembering people too often.